If you’re a part of this community, sex scenes in mainstream video games undoubtedly excites you as much as it excites me. From random hookups, to full blown romances, the video game industry has flourished in the last decade. There’s nothing like copulation, especially in storytelling. It helps solidify relationships, build trust, and sometimes just blow off some steam.
We’re going to look into sex scenes from different video games and try to decide if they’re good, bad, or just plain old crazy. Buckle up!
Magical undressing and weird facial animations – The Witcher 2
If you’re a fan of the Witcher series, you’re probably familiar with all of the steamy sex/romance scenes in the game. Geralt, being the ultimate alpha macho fuckboy 2000 he is, has sex with more women than you can count. And in The Witcher 2, you have an interesting sexual encounter with Triss Marigold, the flaming redhead sorceress.
I’m sure the experience was fantastic and caused rigor mortis to the phallus primus of most teenagers when the game first came out, it sure didn’t age well. Triss’ facial animations alone can be a massive turn-off. And while I’d give CDPR an A+ for the effort at the time, the scene itself borders Bad and Ugly in my book. Thoughts?
Bog Witch Hookup – Dragon Age: Origins
The first installment of the legendary series that Bioware somehow still hasn’t managed to fuck up, sure was something when it launched. The magic, the story, the visuals, were all enough to make us all fall in love with the game. And on top of that, the game introduced several romance options, each hotter than the rest. One of those options was the smartass bog witch, Morrigan. Seemingly the hottest of the bunch, Morrigan offered a lot in terms of her romance and friendship, and the steamy barbie/ken sex scene sure was one of them at the time. Thank you, Morrigan, for making me question my sexuality! This was some Good (and highly biased) sh*t.
Voodoo Queens, Sex and Stabbing – Far Cry 3
We can’t talk about Ugly sex scenes without mentioning Far Cry 3 – and don’t think ugly in the usual sense, the Voodoo witch is sexy as hell, the uglyness comes in what she does to our dear protagonist. This scene contains major spoilers for the game, so if you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t played it yet, be warned. You can watch the blue balls of the 21st century here.
Murder, Sex, and Mummies – Assassin’s Creed Origins
We all know and some of us love the Assassin’s Creed money printing machine. It’s a new and often exciting setting every 1 and a half years, that’s bound to keep us busy for at least a few days. Assassin’s Creed received a much needed reboot with the Origins title, which reimagined the entire mechanism of the game in an attempt to bring old fans and new assassin wannabes back to the world of Templars vs. Assassins.
This particular story was set in ancient Egypt and featured a lot of gorgeous sights, the main protagonist being one of them. I love me a hairy daddy. And while this particular installment offered absolutely nothing in terms of LGBT romance, it offered a nice sex scene with the protagonist’s spouse, Aya.